His Last Chance : Sons of Lost Souls MC Book Seven Read online

  “I didn’t tell anyone to get you here.”

  “My dad found me. Harper called him.”

  “Just go, Zach. I haven’t got the energy to fight or pretend this is more than what it is.”

  “Are you here because I upset you earlier?” It crossed my mind when I was riding here that I possibly brought on her labour. She’s been under so much stress lately, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case.

  She cries out, her hand shooting to her stomach. I go to hold her free hand, but she pulls away, staring at me like I’m a stranger.

  “I don’t want you here, let alone touching me. Stay. Away. Why would I want an asshole like you near me?” she pants through the pain. The door opens, and two nurses, followed by the doctor, walk in.

  After a quick examination, he looks up and says, “It’s time, Nina. Oh, and it’s good to see Dad here.”

  I barely smile as they begin moving around, the doctor positioning himself between Nina’s legs.

  I sit there, amazed and horrified, as Nina screams, pants, and pushes until the doctor finally delivers our baby into the world.

  “It’s a boy,” he beams.

  His first cry stabs me in the heart, and I already know it will linger there forever. When his cries grow louder, I realize it’s the first time something, anything, has drowned out the shot. All I hear is him.

  One of the nurses has him swaddled and carried away before I can get a good look at him, and Nina whimpers from the bed. She’s looks so tired as her eyes follow in the direction of our son. I never took the time to imagine how this moment would go, but sitting a foot away from the bed, I know this isn’t how it’s meant to be.

  Finished with their checks, or whatever it is they have to do, the nurse wraps the baby up in a blue blanket before walking him over to Nina. Once she arranges herself into a more comfortable position, the nurse lays him in her arms.

  I didn’t think it was possible, but my heart swells watching her as she peeks down at him. Tears are streaming down her face, but she’s smiling and laughing. Hell, she’s fucking glowing.

  “Hello, my beautiful baby boy.”

  “Does he have a name yet?” the nurse asks, and I remember I don’t know. Nina kept on me to look at her list of names, but I kept putting it off. I wish I hadn’t now.

  “Sebastian William McCarthy,” she tells her, and I feel like the biggest ass of all time.

  William. My biological father was named William, but they called him Billy. It’s a nice touch, and it makes me feel even worse.

  “Lovely,” the nurse murmurs before writing it down on his hospital tag and his chart.

  I sit there and watch her with him for I don’t know how long. But once we’re alone, I move from the chair to the edge of her bed. This is when she remembers I’m in the room, and her smile vanishes.

  “You can go now.”

  “What?”

  “You’re only here because your dad made you come. I know you don’t want this, and I’m not going to let you ruin this moment any more than you already have.”

  I lean closer to get a peek at his little face, but she repositions him, blocking my view. It’s nothing I don’t deserve, but she has to hear me out. Everything has changed.

  “I’m so fucking sorry, Neen, you’ll never know how much. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m going to make it up to you both, I swear.”

  “Make it up to me? You not only ruined this experience, you destroyed everything about us. You don’t get to say you’re sorry, make false promises, and all will be forgiven.”

  More tears begin to flow, but they’re not from happiness this time. I’m hurting her again.

  “Please, let me—”

  “Please what, Zach? This is what you wanted.”

  “I didn’t know what I wanted. My head’s been all over the place, and my parents—”

  “I don’t want to hear it, but I’m going to make this easy for you. My son and I will be perfectly fine without you. Leave, and don’t bother stopping by the house to drop off money. I don’t want you in our lives, not at all. And if you don’t leave, I’ll call for security.”

  “He’s my kid too.”

  “Oh, so now he’s your son too? This morning you wanted him away from here, but now he’s your son? Just get out.” Her sarcasm is loud and clear, and just to grind it in, she rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

  I’m about to fucking beg when there’s a soft knock on the door. Opening it slowly, my mom pokes her head inside.

  “The nurse said we’ve got five minutes before we have to leave you to rest. Can we come in?”

  Nina nods, probably thankful not to be alone with me any longer. Dad and Harper are next to file in.

  “We don’t want to cramp you, but we wanted to see the little guy, and make sure you’re doing okay.”

  “I’m fine, and Zach was just leaving.”

  Mom’s straight on the defensive. “He is? Why?”

  “It’s what he wants.”

  I stare at her, silently pleading with her to change her mind, but she’s not having any of it.

  “Come on, sweetie. This is a big deal for you both. You’re tired, and Zach can help you with the baby.”

  “I don’t need his kind of help. I want him to leave.”

  “This is silly. Whatever’s gone on is in the past now.”

  Nina’s biting her tongue. I’ve seen her do this numerous times in the past, and I hate she’s having to do it now when she should be doting on our son.

  “You’re right, Kristen,” she says, and I sigh with relief. “It is in the past. We’re in Zach’s past.”

  I tense as the relief is stripped from me faster than I can take my next breath.

  “If you can’t respect the decision your son forced me into making, then you can leave with him. I have this little one to prioritise now. I have no energy left, nor should I have to argue with anyone.”

  Shit, I don’t want my mom being thrown out too. The baby has finally gotten her out of the house, if not out of bed.

  “It’s fine. I’ll go.”

  “No, Zach.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t want to upset her any more than I already have.”

  “That’s big of you,” Nina mutters.

  I lean over the bed, press my lips to her forehead, and move back before she can shove me away and say, “Thank you for letting me stay, to watch him being born.”

  I leave the room, feeling a new pain etching its way into my soul. This must be the kind of pain I’ve been causing her for months.

  I make it to my bike before Harper comes running after me, out of breath and cheeks flushed. She fucks around on her phone, and a second later, I get a message.

  A picture of my son fills my screen, and he’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

  “I thought you should have it.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Make it up to her, Zach. Make this right.”

  She heads back into the hospital, leaving me alone in the cold. It’s where I should be, but fuck me, if Cas’s words aren’t haunting me already.

  My regrets are building.

  Kristen

  The nights are only worse because I lay in bed, alone, with my thoughts screaming at me. I barely find sleep, allowing them to ravage through me. I roll with the guilt as my mind screeches that it’s my fault she’s gone because I decided to stay in this town for love. Fucking love. We grow up believing it’s the end goal to being happy, but that’s wrong. It’s so fucking wrong, I want to slap myself for being such a fool. Slade evoked everything in my heart I needed to believe that life could be perfect. He loved Zachery like he was his own son. He gave me a house we both made a home. Then, along came India, and I thought perfection had been met.

  We had a home, a son, a daughter. I had the shop, which has been successful since the day it opened, and a husband who couldn’t keep his hands off me.

  I had it all. During the days the club was quiet, and
I didn’t have any need to be there, I could almost pretend it wasn’t a part of our lives. It was my love for Slade that I put up with the Lost Souls. My daughter, my beautiful, smart daughter, was meant for bigger and better things. Her future wasn’t in Willow’s Peak. It’s not like I thought my life and kids were better than other brothers’ families, but India was at college. She was out, and as much as I missed her, I’d hoped she wouldn’t return. I prayed nightly she would see how much more to life there was, and see past the Lost Souls Motorcycle Club. I wanted so much for her. And like a savage kick to the teeth, she ended up tethered tighter to the club. Slade tried his best to assure me she’d still go off to college, even being a mom. But while I could still see the determination shining in her eyes, it was her love for Leo and Rayna that shone brighter. She may have finished college, but it would’ve ended there. As her mother, I saw her life ending long before it did, and to get through the day, I’d tell myself, though thinking the worst, it wouldn’t happen. But it did. My fears became reality, and I don’t know why I keep hanging on. I can’t breathe. I haven’t been able to take a deep breath in months, and I doubt I ever will again.

  Rolling onto my side, I pull the sheets up to my chin, but it doesn’t help the chill in my bones. Around the screaming in my head, I listen to the nothingness in the night, keeping my eyes open. If I close them, I picture India being held at gunpoint. She would’ve been so scared. She was in a room full of people, yet not one of them saved her. The club goes on and on about having each other’s backs, taking a bullet for each other and dying for the patch, but not one of them took the bullet for my daughter. I sat at her funeral, watching them all mourn her, but not one person could feel what I felt.

  Now Sebastian is here, healthy, and in his mother’s arms, and I’m still being stolen from. I prayed and prayed she would have a baby girl, because having a boy with a Lost Soul will lead to having a future brother. I can see it now, my grandson growing from a boy to a man, knowing his future is set in stone. Another precious life having to live by playing Russian roulette with every breath he takes.

  Footsteps on the stairs knock every thought out of my head as I listen to them grow closer. I remember nights where Slade wouldn’t get home till after I fell asleep. Creeping up the stairs, he would climb into bed, wrapping me against him, and I could sleep properly knowing he was safe, alive, and with me.

  Footsteps plod along the carpet out in the hall, causing my heart to thump in anticipation of where they’re going to stop. Slade hasn’t slept in our room since we left the club and he gave up his patch. The thought of sleeping next to him, even now, makes me want to puke. He tried the once and gave up. Stopping outside our door, I tense up. I hear nothing for over a minute, keeping my eyes on the door handle, but it doesn’t move.

  I ache, but I don’t know if it’s for him, because my hatred builds every single day. And when I look at him, it only adds fuel to the fire burning inside me.

  He eventually moves away, his footsteps fading as he makes his way back down the stairs. I don’t know what he does down there as I lay here throughout the night, and I don’t care. I fell in love with him, not the club. He promised me he would never let the it be the ruin of our family, and he broke it. The way I saw it, he wanted the club as well as our family, and it was down to him keeping the two away from each other. I’d done my part as his old lady when it came to celebrations, but that’s where it ended for me. I didn’t hang around just so I could see him. For a long time, he kept his word and we made it work. He had the club and I had the shop, and we both came together for the kids. All I had to do was get India to college and away from here.

  My chest deflates as I try to cry out, remembering my failings, but nothing comes out. The pillow becomes wet, and I roll onto my other side to escape the patch of tears staining the fabric.

  “Can you believe she’s a year old already?” I whisper as India sleeps soundly in her crib.

  Slade wraps his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder.

  “The past year has flown by, and I don’t like it. She’ll be leaving for college in no time,” he grumbles quietly, and I chuckle.

  “I never think she can get any more beautiful, but she proves me wrong every day.”

  “She gets it from you.”

  His lips press against my neck, causing tingles to race down my spine. “We should finish setting up before she wakes.”

  Oh, yes, her birthday party. Slade wanted to host her first birthday at the club, but I wanted a small gathering at the house. I won, and the back yard is decorated with balloons, banners, and streamers galore.

  The food tables are set up, and the cake is being delivered in an hour. When India wakes from her nap, she’ll be going into her pink party dress.

  We creep out of her room and head downstairs. Slade picks up putting the banners around the yard while I double check that I’ve made enough food. I was overruled on the alcohol, and last night, Sparky and Ricky dropped off enough beers to last till Christmas.

  I’ve set it all up in ice buckets for the brothers, hoping they don’t trash my house after drinking so much. At the club, you don’t really notice the damage they cause, because what’s one broken chair when it’s easily replaced? They just use the broken furniture for firewood. If they break a chair in my home, though, I’m going to be pissed.

  The doorbell rings, and I frown when I see we still have a couple of hours till party time.

  “I’ll get it!” I yell out.

  Alannah and Leo are standing on the doorstep, Alannah holding a bag of gifts, and Leo dressed in a nice blue shirt. His hair is spiked up, standing on end.

  I used to think he had the look of his mom, but the older he gets, the more he takes after his father. I have no doubt in my mind he’ll be breaking hearts when he’s older.

  “I thought I’d come by early and help out. Cas will come with the brothers,” she says with a bright smile.

  That’s one thing about the club. You’re never without an extra hand when needed. I open the door wide and step aside for them to walk in.

  “Where shall I put her gifts?” she asks. “And what do you need me to do?”

  “There’s a table set up out back for gifts, and I could use some help with the food.”

  Leo looks around, hovering near his mom. “Zachery’s playing in his room. You can go up and play too.”

  He shoots up the stairs and out of sight.

  “He’s been looking forward to today all week,” Alannah giggles, heading for the kitchen.

  “There’s going to be cake. Who doesn’t get excited for cake?”

  She busies herself with taking trays of food out, just as India begins to cry from her room. Excusing myself, I check in on the boys before seeing to her. They’re playing on the new PlayStation Slade bought Zach last month.

  India’s sat up in her cot, and starts to bounce on her bum when she sees me.

  “You’re awake, birthday girl,” I beam, collecting her up in my arms.

  One of my favourite times being a mom is the cuddle you get when they’ve just woken up, and they’re all warm and snuggly.

  Putting her in her dress, I run a brush through her soft wisps of hair. Clipping in a pink bow, I grab my camera from the dresser.

  I cherish these moments with both my children. One year old, and already I envision her future to be bright, and full of possibilities.

  I wished for a girl when I was pregnant. One, because I’d have the perfect family—a boy and a girl. And two, I’d only have one child to steer away from joining the club. Slade’s not the only one who’s made slight comments about Zach joining when he’s older, and I’m cringing at the idea of it already. I love Slade with my whole heart, but India won’t be following in my footsteps.

  “Aunt Kristen?”

  Over my shoulder, Leo stands in the doorway with his hands in his pockets.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Zach won’t let me have my turn. Ca
n I go play in the yard?”

  “Sure. Find Uncle Slade and he’ll get you a drink.”

  I expect him to run off, but he steps farther into the room and sits beside me on the floor.

  “Why isn’t she a baby anymore?” he asks as India crawls over to her ginormous teddy bear. Another gift from her daddy we barely have room for.

  “Because all babies grow, just like you did.”

  “Why can’t she walk like me, then?”

  I smile at his curiosity. “She will when she’s ready. But for now, we have to look after her and help her get around till she does it herself.”

  “I can’t look after her. I’m too small.”

  “Not now, but when you’re all bigger, you can. Anyway, shall we go downstairs and see what party treats you can have before everyone gets here?”

  * * *

  How I wish he didn’t grow up to be even more curious about her. Otherwise, she would’ve been safe and alive. She would still be here, beautiful and breathing. There are so many memories your mind conjures up when all you do is think. So many what ifs and should haves. All pointless, but all-consuming in my life now.

  Nina

  My second day in the hospital, Zach tried visiting. The third day, I was told he was outside. After telling the nurse I didn’t want to see him, he left. And today, Sebastian and I are being discharged, and he hasn’t shown up. I dreaded having to give birth without him, but the second I laid eyes on my boy, all the bad dissolved around me, and all I could see was my son. Knowing what I know now, I’d do it completely alone, because the end result makes it all worth it. I wanted him to be present so bad, I’d work myself into a state of anxiety. But I hate that he was there, even if I didn’t let him get close. He ruined everything. He didn’t deserve to waltz in and act the doting father.

  Cradling Sebastian in my arms, he sleeps peacefully, his little lips twitching to form an O. He’s truly perfection. The door opens, and for a moment, I get ready to tell Zach to leave, but Harper pops her head in with a great big smile on her face.