Not Another Lonely Christmas Read online

  “Do you want another?” I ask, finishing the last of my wine.

  She shakes her head and pushes her empty glass to the side of our table.

  “I better not, I’ve got the accounts to do tomorrow. I’ll need a clear head.”

  I’m not ready to leave just yet, I’m hoping for a certain American to walk in but as Gabs stands to leave and time pushes on, I begin to lose hope I’ll see him again. Maybe he went home.

  “Are you not leaving?”

  Standing myself, I grab my glass and shake my head.

  “Nah, I’m going to stay for one more and then I’ll head home.”

  She kisses my cheek and is dashing out of the door as I head back to the bar. David makes his way over, but I’m distracted when I hear Gabs startled reaction to opening the door.

  What the hell? Looking for myself to see what’s going on, my heart stops and everything around me disappears.

  It’s him.

  He’s here.

  He hasn’t left the country and gone home.

  He’s currently holding the door open for Gabriella. She doesn’t stop to ogle him or widen her eyes at me because she’s just bumped into the most gorgeous guy on earth. She’s more concerned about getting home, reiterating my previous thoughts about her and Michael rekindling their relationship, or at the very least, they’re sleeping together. Accounts my arse, she did them last week.

  Jasper closes the door and catches me staring. A full-on smile assaults me and I don’t know if I’m going to be strong enough to withhold my urges for him tonight.

  “Are the stalking laws different where you come from?” I ask him as he comes further into the pub.

  His laugh rumbles through me and he spies my things at the table by the fire place. He shrugs out of his coat and drops it on the back of the chair Gabriella vacated moments before and sits his arse down.

  “While you’re up there, I’ll have a double short of whiskey.”

  I supress my own smile and I nod to David.

  “He’ll have his whiskey and I’ll have a bottle of water.”

  “No wine?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow.

  “No.”

  There’s no way I can drink around this guy, besides, it will do me well to keep my wits about me for once.

  I pay for the drinks once I’ve been served and Jasper is leaning over his chair to warm his hands by the fire.

  “Water?” he questions once I’ve sat down and slid his drink across the table.

  “Yep,” I say, popping the P.

  That’s all I’m offering and as he sits forward and sips his drink, he eventually rolls his sleeves up and his forearms are both covered in tattoos. He asks how my day was and I pull my eyes away from his body art that has me wanting to know if he has any more around his body. So, I blurt it out.

  “How many tattoos do you have?”

  “My back is covered, a couple on my chest and I have full sleeves on my arms.”

  “What about your legs?”

  A teasing smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth and he leans forward.

  “If you’re so interested, why don’t you find out for yourself.”

  Heat builds in my lower stomach, my cheeks warm and my mouth dries. This man is slowly killing me and probably taking great delight in doing so.

  “You haven’t asked me if I have any tattoos,” I point out, instead of answering him.

  “Do you?”

  “Why don’t you find out for yourself.”

  I have no idea what is going on with me and this guy, apart from I want him like crazy.

  “I like you, Remi, you make me laugh.”

  “Don’t many people have that ability?”

  He shakes his head and his hair falls out from behind his ear. Conversations roll from one to another so fluidly I don’t notice the rest of the night passing by.

  David swears he called last orders half hour ago and makes it real clear it’s time to call it a night and get the hell out.

  “I’ll walk you home,” Jasper says, zipping his coat up.

  “I believe we established I’m more than fine walking on my own?”

  “And I believe we established I heard you, and then ignored you?” he grins, and I’m done. His smile is an explosion and a flurry of butterflies’ dance in my stomach every time he smiles.

  He follows me outside and a gust of wind sprays cold rain drops across my face. Before I can blink, it’s pouring down and makes the night darker. We break out into a run and I’m grateful I only live a few streets away.

  “Where are you staying?” I yell so he can hear me over the rain and a van driving by.

  “A hotel in the other direction, I can call a cab.”

  I run up the steps when we get to my building and I don’t waste time unlocking the door and step inside.

  “You should come in, you can wait in the dry while you wait for your taxi.”

  He steps over the threshold and we both know he isn’t leaving in a taxi, well, not tonight at least.

  The walk from the main door up to my place goes on forever and I find I’m nervous to let him into my personal space.

  “This has to be the smallest place I’ve ever been in, I’ve seen bigger restrooms than this.” That’s the first thing out of his mouth when I’ve unlocked the door.

  Jasper spins around slowly taking in his hobbit like surroundings and I take offence.

  “Hey, this has been my home longer than I’ve known anyone.”

  “That’s sad.”

  “That’s life.”

  And I like my life here, I just wish I had someone to share it with. I nip into the bathroom and grab two towels for us.

  Back in the room, he’s looking intently at the book pages pinned across the wall.

  “What are these?” he asks, taking a towel from me.

  Smiling, I look over the many words that have brought me much comfort at different times in my life and dry my face.

  “They’re pages from my favourite books.”

  “Why didn’t you keep the books?”

  “Most of these I read when I was younger, and I couldn’t keep the books, the library bard me in the end, but then I found paperbacks sold in charity shops for pennies. I started to keep the pages I loved the most and when I moved in here, they brought me comfort and saved having to pay for wallpaper,” I chuckle, remembering those days quite fondly.

  I had my own place for the first time since my parents died and I didn’t care that the walls were bright pink until I could afford a shit load of magnolia paint. It was mine.

  “I’ve never seen anything like this, Rem. It’s sort of majestic in its own way.”

  The corner of my mouth tugs up and a wash of pride flows over me. It’s my pride and joy and years worth of not being lonely, reminders that you don’t have to be alone just because you’re the only one in the room. It’s the power of imagination, it’s everything.

  Chills set in my bones and I backtrack to my mini kitchen. I fill the kettle and reach for two mugs off the shelf above my head.

  “You’re wet, you should get out of those clothes before you get sick.”

  His hands land on my shoulders before I can turn around and his lips trail along my bare shoulder.

  “If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought you made it rain just to get through my door.”

  “You think too highly of me,” he whispers and presses his lips to my neck. “I’d move heavens for you, but I can’t make it rain.”

  Suppressing my amusement to his cheesiness, I tilt my head and allow him more access to my neck.

  His lips are smooth and so soft I can barely feel half of the kisses he delivers. They’re nice and all, but I need more from him. I turn in his arms and wind my hands into his hair and pull him down closer to me. I need every inch of this man and I’m hungry beyond relief for him.

  My fingers fall from his hair and search for the hem of his sweater, as I keep my mouth on his. Finding what I’m looking for,
I lift his sweater until he takes over and rips it over his head. It’s barely hit the floor when I’m repeating the notion with his t-shirt until his top half is bare. He has a few tattoos, but I don’t care for them right now.

  In no time at all, I’m swung in his arms and my back is hitting the bed and he’s hovering over me.

  He drags my jumper up and I wriggle out of it and throw it to the floor. He dives down and runs his lips across my stomach. His touch leaves trail of fire and oh god, I’d gladly burn for him.

  Not wanting to break the kiss, I pat my hand around the bedside table, trying to open the drawer. Inside, there should be a condom, I just need to get the damn drawer open.

  “What are you doing?” he chuckles, panting, and smiling down at me.

  “There’s a condom in the drawer.”

  Leaning over, he pulls the drawer open with ease and flicks his fingers around until they land on the condom box. He tips the contents out on the bedside table top and one falls out.

  At least it was a box of three and not many more.

  He picks it up and looks down at me.

  “Best make it count,” he grins.

  “Yes, you best,” I sigh, pulling him back down to meet my mouth.

  I can already feel this isn’t going to be a one-time thing, I can already feel my heart breaking but my need for him overrides the irrational thoughts and I encourage him to roll over so I’m on top.

  Chapter Twelve

  It’s still raining outside when I wake, and the rain drops pit-pattering against the window is like a hundred tiny drums beating away. It’s morning but it’s still half dark and the lamp beside the window is on. It isn’t affecting Jasper in the slightest and I’m not shocked he’s still here. I’m shocked with myself for letting this happen in the first place. I wanted him last night like I’ve never wanted a man before, but he’s not a part of my plans. We haven’t been on one date and we’ve already had sex. I need to keep myself in better check than this. A soft snore comes from him and disturbs the stillness in the room and I carefully climb out of bed and shiver in the coldness before I drag my robe on and switch the heating on.

  My movements wake Jasper and I’m thankful I’m covered and no where near him.

  “Morning,” he smiles, like he has no care in the world.

  He’s not as bad as the others, at least he stayed the night. Although, what if he only stayed to have another round with me this morning? I can’t freak out over this just now.

  “You need to go.”

  I stay in the kitchen area and fill the kettle at the sink, so I don’t have to see the questioning frown on his beautiful face.

  “Are you okay?” he asks instead.

  I don’t hear him moving so he can’t be getting up and leaving like I asked.

  I plug the kettle in and keep my back to him.

  “Remi? What’s going on?”

  “Nothing, I have work and I’m busy today, and you need to go.”

  This doesn’t feel right but every one-night stand I’ve had have always felt right at the time and I’ve turned out to be wrong. I’m saving myself the torment of wondering for the next couple of days and waiting for Jasper to never show his face again or to ask for my number and then never call me.

  “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but last night, it was amazing.”

  Closing my eyes, I wish I could close my ears to his words too, that’s if he’s telling the truth and it’s not some of his lines. The metal on his belt buckle clinks away as he pulls his jeans up and I remain keeping my back to him. And just like last night, he comes up behind me and turns me to face him.

  We stand like that until I open my eyes.

  “Last night wasn’t our last,” he vows as his eyes burn into mine.

  His lips press against my forehead and then he’s moving away. I watch him grab his jacket from the end of the radiator and head for the door.

  His presence fills the room and when he’s gone, mine isn’t enough to fill the corner where I stand. The kettle comes to a boil and I heap a spoonful of coffee into the largest mug I have. Good sex, peaceful sleep and lots of coffee, perfect. Making Jasper leave? I’m not sure if I made the right decision.

  A text comes through from Gabriella telling me to check my page and I don’t know if I’m scared to see what’s going on now or eager to see everyone’s reaction to Theo’s strip dance yesterday.

  Now I’m home and Jasper is gone, yesterday takes centre stage in my mind. It was funny when I think about it, funnier than what it was when it was happening.

  Logging onto Flipped, I click on my page and Gabriella has tagged me in the video she recorded. I don’t know how she does it, but she’s captured the whole thing. Her aim is steady, the camera doesn’t shake or wobble at all and she’s recorded the entire thing.

  I read through the comments, most of them from women. Theo is a hit. Why am I not finding this as hot as everyone else? There must be something wrong me. First, the trip to Paris was a blowout when it should have the one to woo me, apart from the ex-girlfriend thing and then Theo’s out-of-the-blue dance at my workplace. No date so far has affected me, not even a little bit.

  Gabriella’s name flashes across my phone as it rings, and I put her on speaker.

  “Are you sure Theo did nothing for you?”

  “I’m sure.”

  It was Jasper who lit me on fire and it’s him who’s seeping into my mind and soul as we speak.

  “I got his friend’s number.”

  “You don’t sound so happy about that,” I point out, knowing every tone she has.

  “I’ve been spending more time with Michael again, things are moving slowly but I like where I think it’s going.”

  Finally! She’s opening up.

  “Where do you think it’s going?”

  “Well, I’m pretty sure it’s going in the right direction.”

  “I’m glad, I always liked you with Michael. He’s good for you.”

  “He’s good to me, and that’s what I like this time around. I mean, he isn’t no Theo Hughes, but I wouldn’t want everyone else ogling him.”

  Her laughter is music to my ears, when she’s happy, I’m happy. It’s what I imagine having a sister to be like. She is finding her way, all I want is to find mine. My sense of direction with someone holding my hand along the way.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I’m scared to blink in case I miss anything, and I’m petrified to keep my eyes open in case I see everything. There’s a tornado spiralling out of control in my stomach and I’m not sure if I need to vomit, pee, or jump out of this taxi and run as fast as I can and go home.

  Gabriella’s hand rests on top of my mine, I let go when I glance over at her.

  “If you’re going to be this bad during the interview, you might shake yourself off the camera,” she says, trying to get me to relax.

  I clench both my hands, unaware I was shaking in the first place.

  “It’s a big deal, Gabs, I’m allowed to be nervous.”

  “Of course, you are, I’m just saying you might want to tone it down. We’re here.”

  A text comes through from Casey and it brings a smile to my face.

  ‘Good luck for today! Xx’

  I peer out of the window and the building is so big, I can’t see the top from this angle. A young guy comes over and opens my door.

  “Hi, I’m Damien, welcome to Hot Today.”

  I smile but I don’t move. Everything up till this morning was in my imagination, but this, this is reality and it’s now standing in front of me.

  “You don’t have to look so scared, I’ll be with you the whole time,” he chuckles warmly, and I take a deep breath.

  He’s different to how I imagined him to be, his stomach is rounder, and his shirt buttons are strained. He holds his hand out and then quickly takes it back when he presses a finger to his ear. I catch a small ear piece and realise someone is talking in his ear.

  Swinging my legs ou
t of the taxi, I climb out and Gabriella is quick to follow. Her excitement bounces off my nerves and as soon as her arm links through mine, I feel less like running home.

  “If you’ll both follow me, I’ll give you a tour before you’ll meet Penny and Paul briefly before your interview. You’ll be on air for seven minutes and as much as that sounds daunting, it will be over before you know it.”

  Damien babbles on and on and I’m sure I should be listening, but I don’t hear a word he says. It’s like having water in my ears.

  Gabriella and I have watched the show every week day while in the shop and now we’re here about to be interviewed over something I started when I was drunk and was still wearing my one-night stand.

  The tour turns out to be boring until he leads us to a room dressed like someone’s living room and Penny and Paul walk in a few minutes after us.

  “Oh my god, Rem. It’s really them. Look,” Gabs whisper-growls at me, grabbing onto my arm, a little too tightly for my liking.

  Penny is the first one to come over and greet us and her smile is just as friendly as it is on the tv. We’ve analysed her so many times while cutting hair in the shop, we could never believe she was as nice off screen as she seems on screen. But she is.

  “It’s great to meet you both,” she beams, and I get it now. She is nice. I’ve always been able to tell within minutes of meeting people what they’re like, it’s a knack you pick up when you meet new people every day.

  She leans in and kisses my cheek and then turns to Gabriella. Paul is next over, and he seems just as nice, dressed in his suit ready for the show.

  “I’m Paul, I’m glad you could make it today,” he says, and my mouth goes dry before I can answer him causing my mind to turn to mush.

  “I know who you are, we watch you every day.”

  Oh god, kill me now. He must have heard that a million times. Only, he smiles and steps back to stand next to Penny.

  “I must say, we have been keeping up with your dates, Remi, and when the producers said they had managed to get you on for an interview, we both looked forward to it.”